Top Twenty Signs You Are Blogging Too Much!

1.       You send emails with links to your spouse sitting across from you at the dinner table.

2.    After cancelling the island vacation, you finally agreed to go anywhere with internet connection.

3.    You started feeding carrots to the dust bunnies.

4.      You called in sick because you wanted to see who commented.

5.  You're washing the reds and the whites together again.

6.      Your Smart Phone acted weird so you had it committed.

 7. You have business cards for your blog—of course it says “Publisher” under your name.

8.       Your car is five years old and has only 1,000 miles on the odometer.

9.       You started speaking Captcha.

10.       You named your dog Blogger.

11.       Your optometrist sent you to a specialist for something he called Blogovision.

12.       You think the blogosphere can be found on certain types of atmospheric maps.

13.       Paypal is a Facebook friend.

14.   You think recycling means posting something from last year.

15.   You do all your shopping at Etsy or Amazon.

16.  You took your wireless router and laptop to your anniversary dinner.

17.   You’re following The White House on Twitter.

18.   You wake up in a cold sweat worried about typos.

19.   Skype is too personal.

 And the number one sign that you are blogging too much:

20. In your quest for world domination, you enjoy transferring page-views from other

 Countries onto a wall map with push-pins.

Mandarin Wishes For A Happy New Year!

This post started out being a botanical study of tangerines, but my timing corresponded perfectly with the Chinese New Year, and low and behold, I found out that mandarin oranges and tangerines are considered traditional symbols of abundance and good fortune during Chinese New Year festivities. I also found out that I'm not much of a botanist.

My dilemma has to do with the cute little miniature oranges sporting adorable names at the market like Clementines, Cuties and Satsumas. In addition, there are mandarins, tangerines, tangelos and of course various varieties of oranges. I seem to be puzzled about the fact that some of these are sweet, some are sour, some have seeds, while Clementines and Satsumas are seedless.

Clementines

 Several of these are easier to peel than others. After doing a little online research, I think I’ve figured out that the ones growing in our backyard are called tangerines because they have tons of seeds.

(Note to my writing friends:  Therefore, if you have a character who likes tangerines, he’ll probably be spitting out some seeds!)

These are mandarins(I'm sorry, but don't they look like the clementines?)

Honestly, I’m still confused, but I’m very glad I have this opportunity to wish everyone a wonderful Chinese New Year. It’s the year of the Dragon which, among all the Chinese horoscope/calendar animals, is considered the leader, the ultimate top symbol, and major daddio of calendar symbols. 
The dragon stands for loyalty, passion, strength, art, generosity and self-assurance. Sounds sweet and seedless to me—mandarin mimosas anyone? Here’s to everyone having a magnificent year!

Long live the Dragon!

Best Selling Novelist and Guest Blogger Shares Secrets of Success

 I am delighted and honored to introduce my second guest blogger who also happens to be my friend and a best selling novelist. She has written over sixteen books and her former publisher just re-released many of her books into e-book format.Technologically she is light years ahead of little old me here at The Desert Rocks.

 Let's give Norma Beishir a warm welcome by making a comment about this post.

Thanks for stopping in Norma, we are so glad you were able to take time out of your busy day to visit my little desert oasis....

When I wrote my first novel, Dance of the Gods, back in the '80s, I didn't yet have a computer. I wrote the outline, research notes, synopsis and manuscript in longhand. The manuscript was written on yellow legal pads--on a clipboard, since I never did any of my writing at a desk. It was done in what will seem like some pretty odd places to most writers: on the couch in front of the TV, at tables in restaurants, on planes, just about anywhere. I was so focused, I could write and have a conversation at the same time.

That was then; this is now.

I've gone from spring chicken to tough old hen, but fortunately, technology has provided me with more than enough assistance to compensate for my ever-shortening attention span. Rather than detail the many, often boring, details of my evolving work habits, I'll just jump ahead to the present and tell you about some of the wonderful innovations available for writers today, in case you haven't already tried them.

Computers: my first, sold as a "portable," was a fifty-pound monstrosity that looked like a very large suitcase. Today, I use a netbook, a writing app on my Android smartphone, and will soon be adding a Kindle Fire to the team.

Office Suite Pro 5: this app is great! My phone is actually faster than my netbook, and my eyesight is not the best (I'm literally blind in one eye and can't see with the other), so composing on my phone is ideal. There are others as well: Think Free Office and Documents To Go are two more.

Dropbox and Box: Both are great for manuscript storage. If you use multiple devices and have collaborators, as I do, these are especially good. Dropbox offers 2GB of free storage and Box allows 5GB, but both can be expanded for a small monthly charge. They can be accessed online from anywhere.

Evernote: Wonderful for planning and research. If you're working on multiple projects, you can set up separate "notebooks" for each project. You can file photos, maps and web links. Also accessible from multiple devices.

Dragon Text T9: A voice to text app. I got it as a free app from the Android marketplace. Easy to install and use. Good for those who get a lot of inspiration while taking a walk in the park.

I've progressed from carrying a huge, heavy tote bag containing manuscript, notebook and research to having it all on one small device that will fit in my pocket. Now, if someone would just invent something that would keep it attached to my hand....
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To find out more about Norma Beishir and her wonderful books, visit Beishir Books or her blog  Windchaser's Journey.

Don't Let Decision Making Syndrome Ruin Your Valentine's Day!

My Funny Valentine-

DMS-Decision Making Syndrome

A review by Eve Gaal

This anthology contains funny stories, original
 cartoons and  poetry.  Even I express myself in a poem containing
 fresh doses of sarcasm from the ever-changing dude's perspective.

Just ask any male marketing executive on Madison Avenue and they‘ll all admit that women make most of the crucial family-based decisions. Unfortunately, that’s why, gentlemen, you’re driving a van or an SUV rather than that hormone flaring, two-seat, rag-top convertible—(besides, dare I say, you did need some room for those kids?) That’s also why you have a white couch you’re not supposed to sit on, instead of the cool black moleskin sectional with built-in cup holders and leg rests. Someday you might convince her, but meanwhile every time the two of you go shopping she puts the Cheetos back and sends you to the produce department to pick out practical and healthy things like apples. She takes MacArthur-like action quickly and there is rarely any room for dilly-dallying or wasting time with a huge sales pitch. According to the book My Funny Valentine, all of this wise female input has apparently turned men into total morons on Valentine’s Day. Without the help of your number one partner it’s a scary world full of inquisitive shop girls trying to spray perfume in your face. It’s supposed to be a romantic holiday not one spent out in backyard tents, in book-insulated cars suffering in the cold, buying trailer-park cacti or ducking from far flung frozen chicken-ammo hurling towards your head.

 Women have been assisting with every practical decision, like Christmas presents for your aunt and even where anniversary dinners should take place. How about what to cook every night? When to do the wash? When to scrub the toilet? Women have helped men decide on what color socks they should wear, or if a certain tie will match their jeans. Boxers or briefs? Women don’t say things like, “Well that depends on the humidity” or “let’s see how they look when you get them on.” No, they instinctively know the answer to all the tough questions and even though the answer might not stand up to scientific pressure analysis or political polling, the point is that the definitive and fabulous answer to a minor dilemma has been made-- one less thing to worry about-- thanks to the lovely, smart and hardworking female in your life.

 On Valentine’s Day however, you are on your own. That sound you'll be hearing are chirping crickets. Vertigo can set in while driving or operating machinery. Be careful. The average male becomes overwhelmed a couple hours before Valentine’s Day and starts suffering from DMS or Decision Making Syndrome. (Women can relate to this feeling too because they often suffer from it at the annual Macy’s shoe sale or when facing the menu at the Cheesecake Factory). Some decisions are difficult for everyone, and when DMS strikes, things can really become hazy and unhinged. First of all stay hydrated, and this year, in order to avoid the shakes, the vomiting and the long embarrassing male bonding scenes taking place at the lingerie shop, why not just hunker down and buy her this incredibly funny book? You’ll both get a kick out of reading great stories written by men and women about a wonderful holiday, where guys actually get a chance to show those New York marketing gurus a thing or two about making decisions.

Click Here to Order Gifts For All Your Valentines Today!

The Seekers

Just wanting to spread some joy with two songs I happen to love by The Seekers

When visiting your blog and making comments, I hope you know the main reason for my visit is to try and  spread some of my enthusiasm. As writers we spend many hours alone, thinking and doing research. I get so excited about our potential, our possibilities and the new publishing opportunities available to those who self-edit, hire editors or go all out Indie. That being said, you must forgive me for not being able to read all of your books. There are more books in the world than ever before and I have more online friends who write than ever before. I'm working through as many as I can while also working on my own book. If only I could download all of your information into my brain like a zip disc or something, but unfortunately I'm just a regular human being who makes grammatical errors and enjoys reading exciting books with great plots. Hopefully, I'm radiating positive energy to all my followers and if you leave a comment or share your email, I'm very good at following up.  Also if you have a specific question please feel free to ask me anything, because I love offering my humble advice.

Free Marital Advice

Two Simple Solutions to Minimize

 Male Bashing and Save Marriages

Women, this post is directed at you but since I don’t want to alienate  any of my wonderful gentlemen readers, I thought I’d ask for forgiveness ahead of time for something that is truly meant to be fun and entertaining. Don’t forget it’s the holiday season guys, and you still have remnants of good will lying around in your heart. Right?

Okay ladies, time to suck it up, after all it is 2012 and we’ve lived with our lovable, cretin brethren for eons. You already know the drill and if you’re too young and inexperienced to know, well then you shouldn’t be on the internet without parental approval. The truth is I get bored of hearing about two basic bathroom related complaints I come across frequently and I thought I’d offer my humble  guidance and maybe even a solution for overcoming  these festering problems. My dear friends, these complaints are not original, creative or unique, and to us older ladies out here in blog land they start inducing yawns. I know you want to train him, and I’m sure that it’s possible for almost any other task like washing dishes--maybe, even vacuuming, but these two things are outside of most scientific research and understanding. World renowned researchers and behaviorists have done the studies, but unfortunately the lab rats they used in their experiments do not read, blog or utter a word about the results. It is only a matter of time, however when the latest findings using chimpanzees will shed light on this crucial division of the sexes. It’s like a conspiracy that male scientists have been covering up for years.( Personally, I’m wondering why they are going to all the trouble of teaching the chimps to speak when they could just as easily use human guinea pigs.) Anyway, if you don’t have dual sinks in your master bath, I’m truly sorry but let’s not get sidetracked; the real reason for this post is the toilet.

First of all, we know that he will never, ever learn to put the seat down. Trust me, it’s a given that’s probably coded on his DNA. If you have to nag the guy for the next twenty or fifty years of marriage, well sorry, you might want to save your corpuscles from overreacting to the oldest attention getting, excuse making ploy in the book. Once you go down that road and continue harping on the old man he’ll find exceedingly imaginative ways of getting you back. (I have a very vivid imagination and figuring you know him better than I do, I won’t fill this part with any examples.) This escalating poison can best be described as something along the lines of old cartoons with Tom and Jerry or Tweety bird ending in divorce court. “That’s All Folks.” Yikes. Moaning and groaning over this ridiculous, primal situation is just not worth an argument or even the elevation in your blood pressure. Now that you’ve chosen each other as partners and hopefully friends, an extra compromise is not usually a deal breaker, but if we don’t remember to put the seat down ourselves, once it’s dark, we can injure our derrieres. Not only is it disgusting and embarrassing but it can be downright dangerous! 

That’s why my solution is to stick a tiny piece of glow in the dark tape to the underside of the toilet seat. This tape is usually available at your local bicycle shop or home improvement store.

Which brings me to the second complaint I keep reading about, for which I have yet another easy solution….Yup, I had these installed the minute we moved in together and no one needs to wait or wonder about who will change the roll….

Easy on, easy off 

Leaving you more time to be together.

Fun Things to do Together!

75 Fun Things To Do

That Will Cost You Nothing or Next To Nothing

Some simple ideas for dates with friends or relatives

 

1.       Hold hands

2.       Take a walk

3.       Pick wildflowers

4.       Yoga

5.       Write or read poetry together

6.       Play a board game

7.       Go window shopping

8.       Skip some rocks into a body of water

9.       Draw pictures and landscapes

10.   Cook dinner together

11.   Organize a scavenger hunt

12.   Volunteer

13.   Watch a movie

14.   PlayStation

15.   Exercise/aerobics

16.   Donate stuff

17.   Dress up and take photographs of each other

18.   Go swimming

19.   Build a snowman

20.   Wash your car

21.   Walk a dog

22.   Go to the zoo

23.   Have a picnic

24.   Visit the library

25.   Pick some fruit or berries together

26.   Play with some children

27.   Bake some cookies

28.   Go dancing

29.   Pray together

30.   Canning fruits/vegetables & jam with personalized labels

31.   Planting and gardening

32.   Fly a kite

33.   See a community or high school play

34.   Give each other a massage

35.   Mud wrestling

36.   Stare each other down contest

37.   Visit the local animal shelter

38.   Karaoke

39.   Amusement park rollercoasters

40.   Road trip to a historic town-winetasting/antique malls

41.   Play tennis or golf

42.   Watch football/baseball/hockey on TV

43.   Practice mime and improvisation-dress-up

 and entertain each other.

44.   Go to a book store when they have an author signing.

45.   Visit a gallery or museum

46.   Attend a lecture

47.   Enjoy a sunrise and have breakfast together

48.   Make a lei or a wreath

49.   Skating-ice or roller?

50.   Visit an apple orchard and squeeze some juice

51.   Stop by a cemetery

52.   Snuggle like Eskimos rubbing

 noses-bundle up-make cocoa with marshmallows

53.   Chalk drawings on the sidewalk or patio

54.   Bring a book and read out loud at a hospice

55.   Give your pet a bath

56.   Fencing with light sabers

57.   Catch fireflies

58.   Manicures and Pedicures

59.   Origami

60.   Fishing

61.   Rock/seashell collecting

62.   Go to a concert

63.   Inflatable rowboat or other boat adventure

64.   Bingo

65.   Bake a cake or cupcakes

66.   Hot tub/spa day

67.   Listen to records/C.D’s

68.   Make a rock video

69.   Ride a bike

70.   Hike up a mountain

71.   Snowball fights and sledding

72.   Outsmart each other watching Jeopardy

73.   Practice self-defense

74.   Take some nature photos

75.   Watch a sunset