The Newest (Fictional) Medications

A few weeks ago I attempted humor by listing various (make-believe diseases) that could encroach upon us in our old age. Some of you commented that you wanted to know if there were any cures for these horrific
ailments and...
 since we’ve passed those crazy days when self-medicating made us feel cool,

 today’s patient needs to put on the reading glasses to find out all  the weird side affects.

This time, I thought I’d show you a list of the latest, new (fictional)medications you need to be made aware of….(Better here than every other commercial on television, right?)


Remot-alax- Husbands have been asking for this ever since it was introduced. One pill and he can relax, because he’ll know where the television remote control is at all times. Not yet approved and still in the testing stages for single people living alone  and for wives who rarely exhibit the need for this type of radical intervention.

Peni-Scillan- The spam message I received said this is the latest in male size enhancement.

Marrytin-Fake allergy medication usually administered by girlfriends who want to get hitched. Available over the counter near the Lucky Seven Wedding Chapel in Vegas.

Baleeve-Sick? Do you feel like you’re dragging yourself out of bed every day and need something quick? This medication makes you think you’re getting better. Works better than a placebo.

Lyernol-Clears your conscience while you lie up a storm. Similar to Denyitall. Available in chewable and if you’re compulsive, I recommend getting the patch.

The one that got away...was how big?

Ziflab-A miracle cure that rationalizes anyone’s weight issues. You’ll hear yourself saying, “No honey, those pants don’t make you look fat. Let’s go dancing!”


Remember to take all medications with fluids and call your doctor should any of these things actually work.

If you think this is funny, then please leave me a comment. The secret to great humor is encouragement. Don't worry, I know I'm no great threat to the late night comedians, and with a teaspoon of sugar, maybe even this will strike you as mildly entertaining or slightly comical.
 Thanks for visiting The Desert Rocks.

Over 75 Characters who Rely on Us

 What is your favorite role? When writing our stories, our novels, our poems, we can look back on the roles we have played in other people’s lives. Perhaps a role we played on stage?  Perhaps the role we are playing right now. I think Socrates wrote that the self-examined life is the one worth living. “Know thyself,” he wrote, way before even books were invented.
The experiences we encounter in our lives take us from our first role as children into other roles equally interesting, and when we grow, we change again, and again, always taking a small bit of each role into the future. For me personally, it's very inspiring, to know I don’t have far to go for information.

Which role do you prefer?

The main character?
Best supporting actor?
How many times have you changed roles throughout your lifetime? Do you multi-task and put on various hats to play different parts for different reasons? Is your life like a giant smorgasbord full of delectable characters waiting for you to write a book about them? If these characters are not you, then do you know who these people  are ? While I don’t want to stereotype, I have to say I have met or I have been (maybe for only a short time) some of these characters. I bet your view of these individuals will be very different from mine.  Your interpretation and use of adjectives will make even the same person look and sound different .  Will your personal experience with a character make your story more  or less plausible? Isn't it strange how the actual truth sometimes sounds unbelievable? Should we dumb-down our characters to make their point of view easier to understand? If more people relate to them, will more people buy our book? Is it better when the reader doesn't relate? In other words, should my character be an Every-man type, or should he be completely unique in every aspect of his being? I know some books are famous because more people can identify with the main characters.  Every character can be a story, the fun starts when we combine them to create something totally original.

I think everyone
can relate to
Jimmy Stewart.

How would you describe these people?
Can't you just see them in your mind's eye?





The femme fatale,

A chef,

The niece?

The grandmother?

The aunt.

The funny uncle who says, “Pull my finger.”

The Gothic hipster who only wears black?

The cowboy,

The mother-

The sister,

The little brother,

A big brother?

A wife,

A husband?

The lover.

The babysitter.

A sun worshiper?

The motorcycle
rider who looks tough but is actually a teddy bear,

The crazed lunatic filled with road rage.

The loner.

A religious fanatic.

Pizza delivery person.

The tourist,

A driver,

The divorcee.

The soldier,

A student.

A golfer,

A tennis player,

A dog groomer.

The stylist,

The old man with some sort of scary disease on his arms.

The poetic one.

The quiet one.

The grouch,

A dancer,

A musician.

The dog-walking naturalist,

The forest ranger

The granola cereal pitchman type,

The author wearing thick glasses,

The sexy woman in a red dress.

The other woman?

The housewife.

The intelligent and cultured professor.

The Olympian,

The cyclist,

The laziest one,

A man or woman in a medical field who saves lives.

The gourmet.

A thespian,

A patient.

A bearded wise man.

The Realtor.

A pilot?

The player or playboy.

A frumpy but lovable dumpling-

A nasty witch,

The sheriff,

The undercover good guy.

The Godfather

The carefree artist-

The gossip-

The starving artist-

A tour guide-

A short order cook who makes the best burgers in town?

A painter,

A mechanic,

Politician,

A gardener,

A victim,

A photographer,

A nun,

A waitress,

A carpenter,

The plumber,

A man of the cloth?

The guy in the ill-fitting suit trying to hail a cab to the courthouse.

The singer,

A salesperson,

An electrician,

Bestsellers Written By You!

A reporter,

A fireman.

The teacher who made a difference.

The agent,

The publisher?

A volunteer-

A survivor.

A miracle…yes, you …the character in someone’s life.

Please Help Spread the Good News!

The delightful chirping I’m listening to outside my window, reminds me it’s spring now.  Time has come to fold away the thick blankets of gloom and look upon the world with hope in our hearts. It’s a time to remember that the things that were snowed in or washed away will bloom again and renew somehow, somewhere, if only in a child’s imaginative heart. It’s the rebirth of our promises, the opening of our cynical mind to a fresh way of thinking about things. A new perspective that cuts through the mud-slogged valley of despondency we clung to during the darkest days of the year. Now. It’s spring. Now is the time to take a walk and breathe the air of life into our cells, into our lungs.  Watching for nests in the trees, tiny rabbits and fragrant blossoms will intoxicate our mind into the miracle of believing that the past is behind us now.


 Of course, we older adults know the truth about spring. We know the wind will blow the tiny blossoms away and leave only a few to grow into fruit. We even know that the mother bird will eventually kick her tiny birds out of her well-made nest. We know about the little pests that invade the fruit, and we will shamefully admit that the past still haunts us. We will always need to deal with reality, no matter how entranced by beauty…no matter how sweet…but and this is a big BUT…we still need to set an example for the others. We need to see what we can see now and spread the joy. This is the day. This is the good news. This is the hope and we are the translators….


Without our eyes, without our ears, how will they notice the change of the season?
 Point out the nest.
Show them the new shoots; listen together to the song in the trees. Is that a tadpole in that puddle?
Life is here, now. Let us be the hosts, the moderators, the narrators who have stories to tell the young.
It is happening now, slowly unfolding in every part of our country. It’s spring now, a time of promise. A time of hope and you can spread the news and tell the story too.

A Leprechaun's Spell on My Imagination

On my daily walk today, I ran into a little green Leprechaun with his hands on his hips. I thought to myself,'This guy sure seems to have an attitude.' Then the words started flowing from his mouth. “Young lady, do you sometimes go by the name “The Desert Rocks” and do you know what day it is today?” I said to him “Yes to question number one, and as far as the second question goes, why do you think I am wearing a green outfit? He said: “I am going to mess with your mind and make you think, really think, what it means to be a writer.” Then he disappeared into thin air and I found myself back at my keyboard.

“Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen to Life-is-a-Journey Tours, brought to you by The Desert Rocks.
Please have a seat, and remember to keep your hands, arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.
This is the first in a series of exciting trips we have planned, with you, the writer, in mind.  Our state of the art blog-bus is comfortable, air-cooled and provides luxurious seating options with picture windows on all sides. Those of you traveling with Life-is-a-Journey Tours will be happy to know that while we appreciate your families and children, this is a solitary adventure into your personal imagination, and therefore, others are encouraged to sign up after you have explored the basic territory on your own.  Remember, this tour is into the far corners of Your Imagination. If you were looking for the tour ‘Through Your Heart’,
or the always popular, ‘Soul Trip’-- Those tours have already left the station and sign ups for the next one might be difficult. The Desert Rocks has been kind enough to sponsor these sporadic, learning vacations, but they keep telling our company that they are not interested in any dark passages required for some fantasy vacations. Zombies, vampires and demon-like creatures have all been referred to the Eisenhower Medical Center and Betty Ford Clinic in Rancho Mirage. Those caught carrying fake blood have been sent to Hollywood. Please take your seats and hold on, because this has been known to be a bumpy ride, through some windy and yet pleasant tunnels. In fact, The Desert Rocks has a limited imagination and has narrowed our focus away from anything commercial, or political. Personally, I think they are against free speech. Life is-a-Journey tours would like everyone to think about painting a picture with words and if that picture takes you into an area that sounds dangerous, then congratulations- you’ve probably found your voice, and that, my friends, will lead you into creations that will entertain others and possibly make you famous!
Outside our window on the right is your point of view, and on the left is character development in progress. Those of you interested in Science Fiction, Romance and Historic fiction can embellish your stories from the supernatural events that might take place during the plot search we do during our uphill climb into the unknown. Fasten your seat-belts and…”
     “Excuse me, I have a question…”
     “Don’t question it, just feel it. Go with the flow…”
     “Yes, but I’m with The Desert Rocks and I think you’ve overstepped your bounds. Our legal
      department will be contacting you and we wish to sever our relationship with Life-is-a-Journey
      Tours."
     “But…”
     “NO buts--pull over so we can get off this death trap.”
     “Why limit all these people…why not let them explore?
     “They will explore on their own time, without you. Now stop and let us get off!”

A Personal Prayer

Trying to understand the 9.0 Earthquake under the ocean, near Japan...the Land of the Rising Sun leaves me in a poem-like prayer.

Prayer

I pray.

For the children of Japan.

I pray for the pain to go away.

           I pray that the Earth will lie still.

                          

  Until they grow up and forget.

I pray.

For the mothers of Japan

I pray they can hold their child tonight.

And the clouds vanish from their eyes--

As they look upon tomorrow.

I pray.

For the fathers of Japan.

The brave souls who built their country--

Who fought among the cherry blossoms.

Ageless warriors holding the reins--

Shaking off their fears...facing another battle.

Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards

How do you handle stress? How do your characters handle stress? When things go awfully awry do
you grab a cigarette, a beer and kick a dog? Do you breathe deeply and recite chants or do yoga? Do you cuss like a sailor or stick your head in an oven a-la Silvia Plath? Do you grab your rosary and head for a walk, or do you call your best friend and sob for an hour? Do you reach for a pill? An ice-pack? Vodka?
 Does it depend on the level of stress? If things get extra, heavy duty, mind-numbingly stress-filled is it all of the above?
The following short vignette is a half hour of my life last week....




Stepping out of my meeting, I knew I had a problem. I hurried to my car and looked up through the windshield at the eucalyptus trees. While buckling my seat belt, a small shiver ran up my spine. Looking around, I searched for something, anything, to calm me down and give me peace. Something that would keep my heart from jumping out of my chest and into the parking lot. Maybe, I thought, I could call for some intervention.
Picking up my cell phone, I dialed my husband.
“How was it?” he asked.
“Terrible,” I replied, sucking down a deep breath. “Have you had lunch?” I asked, hoping I could see him and maybe I could cry on his shoulder.
“Of course I have, it’s after two,” a logical reply, but it made him sound distant.
“Right,” I knew the exact time. The two o’clock meeting that would have changed my life lasted twelve minutes. My watch said, two-sixteen.
“What now?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I’ll see you soon. Bye,” I said, with my heart beating against my eardrums.
“Bye.”
Silence.
I flipped the phone closed and stared at the steering wheel. The drumming softer now....
This is where the alcoholic drives to the bar.
This is where the wandering spouse runs to her lover.
This is where the pavement usually ends and the suicidal maniac might drive over a cliff.

This is where I walked into the donut shop and ordered four donuts and a cup of coffee. Not two, not three, but four delicious, warm and lovely, sugary, glazed recipes for disaster!
Shaking, a few minutes later, I redialed my husband’s number.
“Honey?” Guilt had tightened my vocal chords into a squeak.
“Yeah? What’s up?” He asked, probably noticing my strange, high-pitched voice.
Taking a sip of the scalding black coffee, I cleared my throat and said, “I’m having lunch.”
“Good,” he said sounding friendlier, followed by, “Do you feel better?”
“Much, much better, thanks,” I sighed, listening for the drums....
“What did your boss say?”
“I’ll tell you when I get home.”
“By the way," he had to ask,"where did you go for lunch?”

Writing Limericks For March!

Time to Be Silly!

In honor of the month of March I thought we’d all get into something historically addicting.
Trust me…once you start thinking of this stuff it will drive you crazy all day and believe me you won’t be able to stop doing it. The best part is you can't write anything sillier than the guy who made them famous. So, since the bar has been lowered...it's time to take a chance and show your creative limerick writing skills.
The person who made them famous is Edward Lear, and I’m sure you can find some of his famous limericks in almost every poetry book…my first attempt however is…well...kind of silly.

There once was a man from Palm Springs,
Who gave away all of his things.
In the desert he stands,
Amid drifting sands,
That poor little man from Palm Springs.

The trick is that the first line is usually where the person is from.
Then the lines rhyme AABBA.
That’s it…you’ve created a Limerick named after a county in Ireland. It’s also supposed to have a beat-so read it out loud and if it sounds correct, then you’ve done it! Either that, or you're a hip-hop/rap lyric specialist.

There once was a lady hair cutter,
Whose stories rolled off her like butter.
She’s writing a book,
With quite an interesting hook,
A real best-selling hair cutter.

Sometimes Limericks are supposed to be naughty…all right, I’ll try….

There once was a virgin who prayed,
That someday soon she’d be laid.
But when men took a gander,
They spoke up with candor,
About the frumpy old maiden who prayed.

There once was an actor named Sheen,
Who joked about coming clean.
He was special he said,
For not being dead,
That outspoken, player called Sheen.

I knew a blogger who swore,
His posts would never bore.
We laughed and we cried,
We thought that we’d died,
The day Rob took photos of stores.  (I can think of quite a few other lines that would fit here, but let me just say... they were extremely inappropriate.)


Your turn:
Have Fun!!!!


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